Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

And the sadness?

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

One Of The Rarest Video Games Ever Has Been Preserved Online - GameSpot

Be who you already are.

It’s here now, writing to you.

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

Maycee Barber still searching for answers after medical emergency, unclear when she can resume career - MMA Fighting

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

Ive been pretending to be okay and acting as normal as possible, but Im actually completely heartbroken after a recent breakup. Its painful and really affecting me, to the point where I cant concentrate at work, Ive lost my appetite, I cant sleep, and It feels as if my whole world has been turned upside down. I loved him so much. He said so many cruel things to me and it made me realize he must not have loved me the way I loved him, or he wouldnt have said such horrible things. How do I handle the heartbreak and why cant I accept that he didnt love me and just forget about him?

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

The sadness was still there.

John Brenkus, host of Emmy-winning ‘Sport Science’ on ESPN, died by suicide - New York Post

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

I was tired of fighting.

It’s still here.

EchoStar could threaten bankruptcy over FCC inquiry - Light Reading

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

What caused the decline of the Soprano crew?

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

I had run out of hope.

You are like me, then.

JPMorgan’s Jamie Dimon Sees Bond Market Crack — Why And What To Do - Forbes

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

Stars goalie Jake Oettinger addresses benching by coach Pete DeBoer: ‘It’s embarrassing’ - Dallas News

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

I was tired of trying and failing.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

What are some healthy ways to start losing weight without risking starvation mode or extreme food restriction?

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.